Let’s get something out of the way: I didn’t exactly plan to become the kind of person who gets excited about blood work.

Honestly, I used to think blood tests were just for checking if you were still technically alive, or if your iron levels were low enough to justify eating a steak the size of your head. I wasn’t expecting to discover that I, a reasonably health-conscious adult who flosses semi-regularly and owns three yoga mats, was carrying a small personal stash of plastic in my bloodstream.

Yes. Plastic.

Tiny pieces. Microplastics. The kind you hear about on depressing documentaries where turtles mistake grocery bags for jellyfish.

But now they were in me. And strangely, finding that out wasn’t terrifying. It was clarifying.

Because it wasn’t just the plastic. That was the tip of the very modern, very complicated health iceberg.

The real shift happened when I found Keyspan—and realized I’d been looking at health all wrong.

Not a Midlife Crisis—More Like a Mid-Blood Crisis

Here’s what happened.

I was feeling… off. Not sick exactly, but not optimal. A little more tired in the morning. A little less focused in the afternoon. My workouts weren’t giving me that high they used to. And I had this annoying inner narrator whispering, “Is this just getting older?”

I wanted to know what was going on. Not in the vague, horoscope-level “listen to your body” kind of way, but real data. Hard science. I wanted receipts.

That’s when I stumbled across Keyspan—a company that said, “Hey, your doctor might be missing some things. Let us show you what’s happening inside your body.”

I was intrigued. A little skeptical. A lot curious.

They had two things that caught my eye:

• A comprehensive blood test with over 60 biomarkers (seriously—most doctors run like 12).
• The world’s first blood test for microplastics.

Cue dramatic music.

Plot Twist: Your Blood Is a Data Goldmine

I ordered the Keyspan Health Check + Coaching Session because I wanted the full picture. If I was going to do this, I was going all in.

The process was surprisingly easy. Schedule a quick blood draw (no weird clinics or sketchy needles—just professional, streamlined, almost spa-like). Then, a few days later, the results rolled in.

And by “rolled in,” I mean flooded. We’re talking hormones, inflammation, liver health, blood sugar, kidney function, detox pathways, and yes—plastic particles, neatly categorized by size.

There were over 60 markers telling me the story of my internal world. And it was like reading my autobiography for the first time.

Apparently:

• My cortisol was doing a little cha-cha during the day.
• My homocysteine levels hinted at some sneaky cardiovascular risk.
• My liver was working hard—bless her—but she could use a little support.
• My blood sugar was… moody.
• And yes, I had <10-micron plastic particles in my bloodstream. These are the microscopic bad boys that can cross the blood-brain barrier. Not ideal.

I half expected to feel overwhelmed. But that’s where Keyspan’s coaching came in like a health-savvy fairy godparent.

Meet Your Biological BFF

My Keyspan health coach didn’t just drop a PDF on my lap and wish me luck.

They got on a video call, walked through each result with empathy and clarity, and built a custom plan for me. Like, an actual plan. Not “eat more kale” vague, but:

“Based on your ApoB and CRP levels, let’s increase your omega-3 intake and reduce processed oils for the next 30 days—here’s exactly how.”

It felt like being handed the cheat codes to my own body.

The coach explained:

• Which supplements actually made sense for my biology (goodbye expensive guesswork).
• How my hormone patterns were influencing my sleep, energy, and mood.
• Why my metabolism was acting sluggish—and what to do about it.
• And how to begin detoxing plastic particles from my system using realistic, research-backed steps.

No woo-woo. No doom. Just science, support, and strategy.

So… Why Is There Plastic in Me?

Let’s address the (plastic-wrapped) elephant in the room.

How did microplastics get in my blood in the first place?

Answer: the same way they’re getting into all of us.

Microplastics are everywhere now. In our water, our air, our food, our skincare, our clothes. If you’re reading this on a phone, congrats—you’ve probably inhaled a few polymer particles already today.

Until recently, we didn’t have the tools to detect them in human blood. That’s what makes Keyspan’s microplastics test such a game-changer.

It quantifies plastic particles in three ranges:

• <10 microns (can reach organs and brain tissue—yikes)
• 10–30 microns
• 30–70 microns

Mine were mostly in the <10 and 10–30 range. Not enough to panic—but enough to act.

This isn’t about fear. It’s about power. Knowing what’s there means I can do something about it.

From Plastic Panic to Detox Plan

Thanks to my Keyspan coach, I didn’t have to Google my way through the chaos. They walked me through a tailored protocol to reduce my plastic burden and support natural detox:

• Water filter upgrade (not all filters catch microplastics—mine does now).
• Stainless steel everything: water bottles, straws, lunch containers.
• Glass over plastic for food storage. Microwave plastics? Never again.
• More cruciferous veg + liver-supporting herbs to help clear toxins.
• Sweat smarter: regular exercise + infrared sauna sessions to mobilize and flush.
• And a gentle supplement stack, curated from my blood data. Not from Instagram ads.

It’s not a detox fad. It’s a detox strategy—rooted in my biomarkers.

This Isn’t Just About Me (But Also, It’s Totally About Me)

Let’s be honest. Our world is complicated. We’re busy. And most of us don’t have time to become full-time health detectives.

But here’s the thing: modern wellness doesn’t have to be overwhelming. When you pair deep diagnostics with smart, human-centered coaching, you unlock something amazing.

You stop guessing.
You stop Googling.
You stop panicking.

And you start thriving.

That’s what Keyspan is building. Not a one-size-fits-all protocol. Not a wellness influencer in a lab coat. But a revolutionary partnership between you and your biology.

They’re not trying to fix you. They’re helping you decode yourself—so you can feel better, perform better, and live clearly.

The Wellness Revolution Will Be Lab-Tested

Here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner:

• You don’t have to wait for symptoms to start getting healthy.
• Your blood holds the map to your vitality, clarity, and performance.
• Microplastics are real—but so is your power to reduce them.
• And the right coach? Can turn numbers on a lab report into a new way of living.

So yeah. I’m weirdly grateful that I found plastic in my blood.

Because it led me to a deeper truth: I’m not fragile. I’m not broken. I’m just a human in a complex world—learning to navigate it with better tools, smarter science, and actual support.

And honestly? That feels better than any “cleanse” I’ve ever done.

What Keyspan Actually Does (And Why It’s Kind of Genius)

Keyspan Health Check + Coaching:

• Tests 60+ biomarkers in one deep blood panel
• Includes personalized coaching to explain and act on your data
• Covers hormones, inflammation, metabolism, detox, and more
• Includes a supplement plan based on your actual needs
• Empowers long-term health—not just symptom-chasing

Microplastics Blood Test:

• First of its kind: detects plastic particles in your bloodstream
• Categorized by size (including the most dangerous tiny ones)
• Comes with coaching to help you detox and reduce exposure
• Offers real steps for prevention and environmental health

Final Thoughts from a Reformed Blood-Test Skeptic

We live in an era where we track our steps, our heart rate, our sleep—but we rarely track the stuff that really matters. The signals our body is sending us long before the alarm bells start ringing.

Keyspan isn’t just helping us listen. They’re helping us respond—with intelligence, intention, and innovation.

If you’re curious, tired, foggy, or just ready to feel like the you that doesn’t need five coffees to function—this is your next move.

Because the future of health isn’t about fear.

It’s about information.
It’s about action.
It’s about you—from the inside out.

And maybe a little bit of plastic. But not for long.